Saturday, August 20, 2011
Saturday, August 06, 2011
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Monday, June 06, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
Shooting Stars & Shooting Hearts...
Wednesday, 18:43 4 May 2011 (4,0), another Special Day in the Universe
shooting stars and shooting hearts
sight locked on hi
when first came i
here to seek, find
missiles aimed, yet
arrows weak broken
mind, soul intertwined
lost
instead shot heart
rise
fly, shooting stars
....
to spirit sky
soar
worlds
within
butterflies
c.2011
dancingqueen
(ask me, I'll tell later)
shooting stars and shooting hearts
sight locked on hi
when first came i
here to seek, find
missiles aimed, yet
arrows weak broken
mind, soul intertwined
lost
instead shot heart
rise
fly, shooting stars
....
to spirit sky
soar
worlds
within
butterflies
c.2011
dancingqueen
(ask me, I'll tell later)
Monday, May 02, 2011
May 2: Order the DEA to Cease and Desist, Rally for Patients’ Rights!
May 2: Order the DEA to Cease and Desist, Rally for Patients’ Rights!
K - so I've been a lil busy.... going to another protest rally today for Medical Marijuana Rights for Patients, including me....
(will get back to you guys lil later, so long as i don't get arrested.... at the DOJ in DC)
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
ions, slow is torturous death to my heart's joy... give me Passion!
Bottom of Everything (cover) by Dave from Blue Skies http://youtube.com/MusicfromBlue
Bottom of Everything (cover) by Dave from Blue Skies http://youtube.com/MusicfromBlue
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Blue Skies - Alaska, Day 35-37 in Hospital
24 Jan 2011 (11, 3)
My entire entry was deleted by back key on ph .... again .... so just enjoy the song and book "Alaska" without my rantings & ravings... btw in short another sleepless night for 2day (of 2wk) stalemate ends tomorrow am - should I stay or should I go.... (maybe someday will explain / elaborate on this week's battles w/ resident & SW tag-team ... uurrrggghhhhfrustration .... ok this is a beautiful song so listen & read on:
Tormenting spiritual day? (See numerologoist.com) ....
My entire entry was deleted by back key on ph .... again .... so just enjoy the song and book "Alaska" without my rantings & ravings... btw in short another sleepless night for 2day (of 2wk) stalemate ends tomorrow am - should I stay or should I go.... (maybe someday will explain / elaborate on this week's battles w/ resident & SW tag-team ... uurrrggghhhhfrustration .... ok this is a beautiful song so listen & read on:
Tormenting spiritual day? (See numerologoist.com) ....
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Carole King - Tapestry, Day 30 in Hospital
Wednesday, 18 January 2011 (5,3) - Day 30 in Hospital
My Life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue - Carole King
This song was one of my faves this past summer... a drifter passing by this past year has taught me a lot about myself, parts of me I learned I may want to avoid exploring with the wrong person, maybe only with a very special person - I wish to have my very own best friend....one who is always here for me in all times, good or bad, a true friend to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, someone who loves me the same way I love.... (oops! got deleted by the text editor with no return again...) ....
Well, hopefully the bearded man won't be coming to take me back for a long while, how 'bout like never... I want to be young forever and never die, live forever and just go to heaven...
It's been very busy here, following most of the program and orders... on "good" behavior and perhaps maybe get to go home soon to finish regular outpatient physical rehabilitation....
We shall see.... My lunch date never showed... worried either he went for a walkabout and never returned or just not that interested as he says/thinks (talked on phone with a date from the summer and hoping to catch up in person sooner or later or never to discuss what really happened or maybe nothing....)
not really holding my breath ....
.... yet .... and reminiscing of past good times, wondering if I shall ever see anyone again - I know it will be all up to me!!! Alas, my choice, my decision, my democracy, my freedom...
God, I love my freedom and choice even more than ever, even if it is sometimes a deterrent or rather a detriment if I make the wrong one!!! I hope to be making better, more informed, and positive choices from now on... (hmmm sounds funny if "from now" sounds a bit strange)...
Sorry, I haven't elaborated much on the drama or happenings on the 6th Floor here, I will edit and make some comments sometime sooner or later (here we go again....) ....
Week 2 of new meds: way too much too fast. However getting good report, even if the med make me very sleepy and cannot wake up in the morning or rather til noon-ish - Headaches are still a big issue (hormone imbalance won't be addressed here as "advertised" - they won't even let me see an eye dr for my recurring conjunctivitis!!) - I think they rather like to torture their pain patients... wait a minute, they even admit to this!!! "You'll hate me before you love me" - says Dr. T current attending...
O, finally met the program director at JHU pain program this AM. Interesting fellow. Asked me if I remember meeting him before... Nope, I don't think I do. No really I don't remember meeting you before today...
I must have quite ill when I arrived: or I just really do have STML short term memory loss (Amnesia) a specific type. Yep, it's true... (thank God the resident is doing her guinea pig interview / case report on another classmate and NOT me!!!! She wouldn't like to know any of my secrets - I told her the other day, even if I had any paraphernalia for her to confiscate I wouldn't tell her.... of course, my great and amazing nurse J. HE told her, reminded her and also me that the attending dr wants all physical therapy devices taken away from me - now that is even more evidence that the really truly do want to torture their pain patients, cause us more pain for NO REASON, very illogical!!!! to take away devices that help us (me rather) perform and function better with less pain so I can actually do physical therapy exercises as prescribed... ) ....
They truly are a sick bunch of quacker-wackers up here on the 6th Floor....
jk, maybe not really....
My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue.... it really is amazing that I am still here.... quothe an anonymous "friend" who texts me however without a name so I've no idea, no clue which "friend" on facebook or myspace or ??? it really is.... stranger than fiction!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
James - Sometimes + Laid (Live at The Academy, Dublin)
Dr. MLKJ Day Observed Monday 17 January 2011 (4, 3), US Federal Holiday
It has been nice long 3.5 da weekend, almost as good as a 4-day wkend... good ending to a difficult, bad-news week, & good beginning (hopefull) to a better solution_problem-solving week... so on a good note, or notes rather, I'm enjoying an old college-day favorite: James - Laid / Sometimes combo (LIVE 2!!!):
....WENT OUT ON DAY TRIP (TLOA) to the American Visionary Art Museum, which alwas inspires my creative sparks & conjures up interesting thoughts, ideas & musings from my artistic nature whence my soul was conceived... (see GA Kiwanis Art competition, 1983-1993).
...and found the restaurant lounge on the top floor first (the foodie in me...) before anything else: Mr Rain's Fun House!!! Yay!!! Wrapped up 2 relaxing hours playing marbles-gumball machine with 2lil kids... (the eternal kid in me...) after having a Kobe dog w/kimchi, of course...
I was almost in childhood bliss again... for a few hours... Whoopeeeeee(actually sat on 1 part of live art installation,bench covered in whoopee cushions for Laughter - (L-gene) exhibit feat. Comedy & flatulence jokes & comics... amid myriad funny exhibits in ecclectic display...
More in couple days... Day 28 tues, 4wks in pain treatment... & update hopefully by end of Day 30
Enjoy rummages from college days: James - Laid, 1 of best fave albums... (wishing 2B subject 2that subject) ....
It has been nice long 3.5 da weekend, almost as good as a 4-day wkend... good ending to a difficult, bad-news week, & good beginning (hopefull) to a better solution_problem-solving week... so on a good note, or notes rather, I'm enjoying an old college-day favorite: James - Laid / Sometimes combo (LIVE 2!!!):
....WENT OUT ON DAY TRIP (TLOA) to the American Visionary Art Museum, which alwas inspires my creative sparks & conjures up interesting thoughts, ideas & musings from my artistic nature whence my soul was conceived... (see GA Kiwanis Art competition, 1983-1993).
...and found the restaurant lounge on the top floor first (the foodie in me...) before anything else: Mr Rain's Fun House!!! Yay!!! Wrapped up 2 relaxing hours playing marbles-gumball machine with 2lil kids... (the eternal kid in me...) after having a Kobe dog w/kimchi, of course...
I was almost in childhood bliss again... for a few hours... Whoopeeeeee(actually sat on 1 part of live art installation,bench covered in whoopee cushions for Laughter - (L-gene) exhibit feat. Comedy & flatulence jokes & comics... amid myriad funny exhibits in ecclectic display...
More in couple days... Day 28 tues, 4wks in pain treatment... & update hopefully by end of Day 30
Enjoy rummages from college days: James - Laid, 1 of best fave albums... (wishing 2B subject 2that subject) ....
Sunday, January 16, 2011
14 January 2011 Day 25 - Bic Runga & Semisonic - Good Morning, Baby
Friday 14 January 2011 (1,3), Day 25 in Hospital Pain Treatment
Well, it's been quite busy here in the program, and progressing more rapidly than before. I hope to find more time to write and re-post lost journal from Day 20.... Thursday, during lunch, one of my pain classmates mentioned that it was Thursday the 13th... (wooooo-ooooo), ridiculous.... "it's worst than Friday the 13th....," they said they were jk....
I've been thinking about this ol' favorite of mine for a while this past few weeks and decided it was past due time to post: Bic Runga's debut with Semisonic in their song "Good Morning Baby" (I hope I'm gonna make it thru another day....), which was what I was thinking during the 2nd week here in the pain treatment program during the Holidays in Dec....
My Rx-induced osteopenia-osteoarthritis has been really bothering me this past wk&a-half now, yet they are adamant about keeping all my impingement (restrictive) devices from me while in-patient (restricting me from restrictive devices.... mainly my wrist splints for during sleep and physical therapy exercises, so I've really fallen behind in my shoulder impingement pain-reducing strengthening exercises with my thera-bands). I should be able to return to using my aides once I return to my regular out-patient physical rehab program @DC.
However, 'til then I'm on full restriction, no mobility devices in-patient on the floor, and only limited use with permission only when outside on "day" trips.... I wanted the Rollator to push my heavy groceries back on public transport when returning to hospital from grocery store.... (I will explain this story, since I wrote it on Day 20, yet that posting was "lost" in cyber-space, on why I am wasting valuable money on expensive organic vegan groceries, while the government medicare insurance is wasting over $50/meal costs charged by the JHU hospital, daily on in-edible foods ("trays" vs gut-wrenching blobs on the "buffet" table), which cost less than $5 bux down in the cafeteria yet I'm still being charged full $50+/per tray/meal anyway....) .... My classmate JS says in jest, "so are you still wasting your $50 meals on the Kosher menu trays... ha ha ha ha ha...." Y, Yes, of course! Y not, I'm hoping each time, "curious", if they will ever send anything up except the same eggplant-veggie wrap and/or the fried eggplant parmesan, both have that's right - dairy products in them, which I avoid eating at most costs... let's see... flour based products like the "wrap" has gluten, dairy, eggs, usually, and then there's the cheese inside the wrap, which all have caused me tremendous amount of ab pain during the first 2wk that I endured eating some of the veggies between the "Kosher" "trays" and the "buffet" of blob that they call food here... and also, of course fried anything parmesan has wheat or flour products, gluten and oils and also of course dairy and/or egg products... all of which I must avoid eating since they are the main culprits of my ab-stomach pains... and you'd think the pain treatment program is to help reduce amount of pain and suffering one endures and yet here we are all suffering much more pain than we did before we came into the program, because they ween us off the pain-meds and then add other substances to our daily intake which definitely increases more pain, cuz it always gets worse before it gets better.... ye-ah, right... we get it.... pain treatment program....
Anywho, it's been a "rough" (huge understatement there) 10days thus far since 5 January til now... my roommate (they moved me after Day 15, from one end of the hall (the better end, and warmer too, esp in that private room I first had during 1st 2wk) all the way down to the other end toward the front of the hospital in the smaller room....) for the past wk&a-half, who loves "cold" air (bbbbbbrrrrr shudder, shudder, shiver shiver....) as opposed to my love of Caribbean-temperatures above 75deg F., has truly gotten worse before she will get better due to the "weening" down of her old pain meds, i.e. lower titrations of addictive type of pain meds vs. increased titrations of non-addictive (or so they say...) alternative meds for "chronic" pain/medical conditions...
Frankly, I was okay the first few days of my titration of SNRIs to "reduce" chronic-pain symptoms, until they suddenly upped the dosages in 2-day increments instead of 4-5day increments, and for the past 4-5days of sudden increase, I still suffer from insomnia and all my multiple sleep disorders at night, and despite being able to get more than 4-5hr of sleep some nights (now that's a lot more than I used to get @hm before being in the program, so about 2-3hr avg per night & usu less than 4-5hr at the most on a regular basis then), yep despite getting more sleep than I used to without the new meds... and now on the increased meds, my sleepiness in the AM also has increased so that it's been soooooo hard for me to wake up... that as of Saturday morning, even after crashing in bed early and sleeping right away, after having 4x's more meds than the first day they started me on them... less than a week ago... I was unable to "wake" up, no matter how hard I tried, (well, I really didn't "try", it was more like noise e.g. loud talking by my roommate, her nurse and husband, and/or combination of both or all three, every 30min or so, that kept arousing me from my deep dream-REM-sleep this AM between 8:30 - til about 11:30 EST (-5GMT)... anyway the dream continued every time I was aroused and couldn't "wake" up and immediately fell back asleep within "short" time (relatively)... and what a dream it was:
The most stressful part of the 4 hours were: 1) the nurse woke me very early (before 8) to take vitals (always sux cuz most of them want me to actually STAND UP for 2nd BP... and everyone knows a person w/ severe joint and neuromuscular pain, arthritic pain, and rheumatic pain doesn't "get up" right away, takes up to 2+ or more hr most times....blood-work is worse cuz they may jab u w/ needles as early as 5); 2) roommate talking loudly on ph w/ hubby or nurse, making me think she was talking to me... ; 3) noise every 30min; 4) actually wanting to and trying to "wake" up yet cannot actually keep eyelids open....; 5) knowing I am not awake nor asleep during those minutes in between partial arousal and before falling asleep... (UGH!!); 6) cold air!!!! (draft from 30deg F. air outside keeps drafting in the thin transparent windows... esp since maintenance guy suddenly came by 2 Thursdays ago to "remove" dangerous screws from the window area and then all the old blinds along with them... that's another story I wrote on Day 20 that disappeared n2 cyberspace...) which I sooooooooooo much despise any air below Caribbean temperatures....; 7) the dream was soooooo goooooood and seemed sooooooooo REAL that I really really really wished it was really really really happening instead of what was really going on in the room: me sleeping and trying my darndest to "wake" up so I could actually get the the fresh market before it closed at noon....
So, what was this wonderfully painful dream that seemed to continue on every time I fell back asleep....????? I was dreaming that I actually woke up early after the week-end dr left sometime around 8:23AM, and made necessary phone calls to my former "mother-in-law" for our plans to meet and go out (yay "day" outting from the hospital walls...), and what was most frustrating was that, although in the dream I was making the phone calls, I kept having difficulty getting through to speak to her about the program moving us from our current building location to another location much further away on a cruise ship shuttle bus/boat device which I thought would go directly from land into the water, then I had to keep reminding myself that it is only a shuttle to get us to the other building/hotel location where we'd be transferring us and all our luggage to a cruise ship that would take us to "Romans Islands" after a 3-4day cruise...
Wow, now that would be a great addition to our pain treatment program, in reality... I was trying to explain to Mum on my mobile and asking the driver/operator of the boat shuttle bus where we are and what address we are going to be dropped off to transfer onto the cruise ship, because part of the pain treatment program is to integrate us back into real life activities and one of the requirements was for us to go on this cruise to the islands, and see how well we perform on this activity to gauge whether we were ready to go back in the "real" world, living our "normal" lives with our chronic medical conditions, if we would be able to "manage" our pain such as standing on a small moving boat and getting around on the seas without our "sea"-legs, just yet.... That was a strange and curious, interesting dream and how nice it would be if it were REAL....
Good-morning, Baby, I hope I'm gonna make it through another day....
Well, it's been quite busy here in the program, and progressing more rapidly than before. I hope to find more time to write and re-post lost journal from Day 20.... Thursday, during lunch, one of my pain classmates mentioned that it was Thursday the 13th... (wooooo-ooooo), ridiculous.... "it's worst than Friday the 13th....," they said they were jk....
I've been thinking about this ol' favorite of mine for a while this past few weeks and decided it was past due time to post: Bic Runga's debut with Semisonic in their song "Good Morning Baby" (I hope I'm gonna make it thru another day....), which was what I was thinking during the 2nd week here in the pain treatment program during the Holidays in Dec....
My Rx-induced osteopenia-osteoarthritis has been really bothering me this past wk&a-half now, yet they are adamant about keeping all my impingement (restrictive) devices from me while in-patient (restricting me from restrictive devices.... mainly my wrist splints for during sleep and physical therapy exercises, so I've really fallen behind in my shoulder impingement pain-reducing strengthening exercises with my thera-bands). I should be able to return to using my aides once I return to my regular out-patient physical rehab program @DC.
However, 'til then I'm on full restriction, no mobility devices in-patient on the floor, and only limited use with permission only when outside on "day" trips.... I wanted the Rollator to push my heavy groceries back on public transport when returning to hospital from grocery store.... (I will explain this story, since I wrote it on Day 20, yet that posting was "lost" in cyber-space, on why I am wasting valuable money on expensive organic vegan groceries, while the government medicare insurance is wasting over $50/meal costs charged by the JHU hospital, daily on in-edible foods ("trays" vs gut-wrenching blobs on the "buffet" table), which cost less than $5 bux down in the cafeteria yet I'm still being charged full $50+/per tray/meal anyway....) .... My classmate JS says in jest, "so are you still wasting your $50 meals on the Kosher menu trays... ha ha ha ha ha...." Y, Yes, of course! Y not, I'm hoping each time, "curious", if they will ever send anything up except the same eggplant-veggie wrap and/or the fried eggplant parmesan, both have that's right - dairy products in them, which I avoid eating at most costs... let's see... flour based products like the "wrap" has gluten, dairy, eggs, usually, and then there's the cheese inside the wrap, which all have caused me tremendous amount of ab pain during the first 2wk that I endured eating some of the veggies between the "Kosher" "trays" and the "buffet" of blob that they call food here... and also, of course fried anything parmesan has wheat or flour products, gluten and oils and also of course dairy and/or egg products... all of which I must avoid eating since they are the main culprits of my ab-stomach pains... and you'd think the pain treatment program is to help reduce amount of pain and suffering one endures and yet here we are all suffering much more pain than we did before we came into the program, because they ween us off the pain-meds and then add other substances to our daily intake which definitely increases more pain, cuz it always gets worse before it gets better.... ye-ah, right... we get it.... pain treatment program....
Anywho, it's been a "rough" (huge understatement there) 10days thus far since 5 January til now... my roommate (they moved me after Day 15, from one end of the hall (the better end, and warmer too, esp in that private room I first had during 1st 2wk) all the way down to the other end toward the front of the hospital in the smaller room....) for the past wk&a-half, who loves "cold" air (bbbbbbrrrrr shudder, shudder, shiver shiver....) as opposed to my love of Caribbean-temperatures above 75deg F., has truly gotten worse before she will get better due to the "weening" down of her old pain meds, i.e. lower titrations of addictive type of pain meds vs. increased titrations of non-addictive (or so they say...) alternative meds for "chronic" pain/medical conditions...
Frankly, I was okay the first few days of my titration of SNRIs to "reduce" chronic-pain symptoms, until they suddenly upped the dosages in 2-day increments instead of 4-5day increments, and for the past 4-5days of sudden increase, I still suffer from insomnia and all my multiple sleep disorders at night, and despite being able to get more than 4-5hr of sleep some nights (now that's a lot more than I used to get @hm before being in the program, so about 2-3hr avg per night & usu less than 4-5hr at the most on a regular basis then), yep despite getting more sleep than I used to without the new meds... and now on the increased meds, my sleepiness in the AM also has increased so that it's been soooooo hard for me to wake up... that as of Saturday morning, even after crashing in bed early and sleeping right away, after having 4x's more meds than the first day they started me on them... less than a week ago... I was unable to "wake" up, no matter how hard I tried, (well, I really didn't "try", it was more like noise e.g. loud talking by my roommate, her nurse and husband, and/or combination of both or all three, every 30min or so, that kept arousing me from my deep dream-REM-sleep this AM between 8:30 - til about 11:30 EST (-5GMT)... anyway the dream continued every time I was aroused and couldn't "wake" up and immediately fell back asleep within "short" time (relatively)... and what a dream it was:
The most stressful part of the 4 hours were: 1) the nurse woke me very early (before 8) to take vitals (always sux cuz most of them want me to actually STAND UP for 2nd BP... and everyone knows a person w/ severe joint and neuromuscular pain, arthritic pain, and rheumatic pain doesn't "get up" right away, takes up to 2+ or more hr most times....blood-work is worse cuz they may jab u w/ needles as early as 5); 2) roommate talking loudly on ph w/ hubby or nurse, making me think she was talking to me... ; 3) noise every 30min; 4) actually wanting to and trying to "wake" up yet cannot actually keep eyelids open....; 5) knowing I am not awake nor asleep during those minutes in between partial arousal and before falling asleep... (UGH!!); 6) cold air!!!! (draft from 30deg F. air outside keeps drafting in the thin transparent windows... esp since maintenance guy suddenly came by 2 Thursdays ago to "remove" dangerous screws from the window area and then all the old blinds along with them... that's another story I wrote on Day 20 that disappeared n2 cyberspace...) which I sooooooooooo much despise any air below Caribbean temperatures....; 7) the dream was soooooo goooooood and seemed sooooooooo REAL that I really really really wished it was really really really happening instead of what was really going on in the room: me sleeping and trying my darndest to "wake" up so I could actually get the the fresh market before it closed at noon....
So, what was this wonderfully painful dream that seemed to continue on every time I fell back asleep....????? I was dreaming that I actually woke up early after the week-end dr left sometime around 8:23AM, and made necessary phone calls to my former "mother-in-law" for our plans to meet and go out (yay "day" outting from the hospital walls...), and what was most frustrating was that, although in the dream I was making the phone calls, I kept having difficulty getting through to speak to her about the program moving us from our current building location to another location much further away on a cruise ship shuttle bus/boat device which I thought would go directly from land into the water, then I had to keep reminding myself that it is only a shuttle to get us to the other building/hotel location where we'd be transferring us and all our luggage to a cruise ship that would take us to "Romans Islands" after a 3-4day cruise...
Wow, now that would be a great addition to our pain treatment program, in reality... I was trying to explain to Mum on my mobile and asking the driver/operator of the boat shuttle bus where we are and what address we are going to be dropped off to transfer onto the cruise ship, because part of the pain treatment program is to integrate us back into real life activities and one of the requirements was for us to go on this cruise to the islands, and see how well we perform on this activity to gauge whether we were ready to go back in the "real" world, living our "normal" lives with our chronic medical conditions, if we would be able to "manage" our pain such as standing on a small moving boat and getting around on the seas without our "sea"-legs, just yet.... That was a strange and curious, interesting dream and how nice it would be if it were REAL....
Good-morning, Baby, I hope I'm gonna make it through another day....
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Thursday, January 06, 2011
First day of my life - Day 15 in hospital pain treatment program
WEDNESDAY, 5 JANUARY 2011 (6;3), DAY 15 in hospital pain treatment program...(start new medical treatment(s) today... now maybe get night appropriate rx ordered by AM...)
Today is the first day of my life: I took my first steps to overcoming my pain, all my past suffering, welcoming help and change - re-discovering and finding myself again...
And co-inky-dinky enough, Dave from Blue Skies just posted a cover of First Day of My Life (Bright Eyes), a beautiful acoustic version just 2 days ago when I was thinking of what I wanted to tell about my last few days in the pain treatment program. (It has been very emotionally painful 2 days for sure, any growth takes some growing pangs...)
Change and growth into a better person always takes energy, effort and can hurt; however, it is good pain, (ya know "NO pain No gain"), for example there is good healthy stress and the opposite would be anxiety. I found that pain that accompanies change and growth is often coupled with anxiety, a lot of stress; and it's how we manage (cope with) that stress that determines in which direction we can choose (Yay! Democracy!) to grow and change. Imagine a seed transforming into a plant, teeth and bones of a kid, and a caterpillar transforming its body inside a cocoon into a butterfly with wings! That would kinda hurt to suddenly grow wings, like Wolverine growing metal claws out of his hands! Imagine something breaking out of your skin from your bones... that image initially can seem extremely painful; however, it doesn't seem relatively so bad later when you're enjoying flying around or with super-hero power to save the day! It really is all relative.
It is still very painful to think of my life without my Mom right now. How painful it was for her to endure the 14 days in ICU and the 3 days before Thanksgiving, and all the 14-some-odd years she suffered from headaches, pain is subjective and relative, extremely personal, and unimaginable to another person who is watching someone else and who is yet to have experienced anything quite like it, (because we all each have our own unique individual experiences on this planet Earth, we each have a unique footprint, literally!, in life, although we all are part of the Whole Existence of Life, and we each have our own unique story, experiences that make us who we are, by our complex/complicated web of experiences...) because we can attempt to imagine when we have completely different backgrounds, personal soul histories, and life experiences to draw upon when the same incidents happen in our lives....
(For example, I was in a terrible rear-ender during college break with my former boyfriend Phil, who was driving his mom's car when it was "totaled" by a drunk driver, who paid too little attention to his surroundings as he was engrossed in his pain and suffer and loss after his wife just left him and took their child with her... he drove his car too fast into us trying to run through the intersection when we were stopped at a red traffic light only less than 25-50ft away from the Chinese restaurant to the right and behind us from the intersection.... He passed all his pain and suffering right into me, because I was paying attention to his lamentation and story as I sat so close by that I could hear his conversation with his employers, the restauranteurs who tried to calm him down and get him to stay instead of speeding away to go after and look for them cuz he wasn't about to let her get away and with his child... And for Phil, Phil just had a lil crick in his neck, a small bump in his road where he walked away to get his x-ray without as much a scratch, Phil who was 6ft-6'2" tall, lanky, strong, healthy potter/glass-blower... as opposed to me, who just finished 10+ months of physical therapy rehab from a major injury to my entire body being jolted about 1.2yr before then, and it was my second time recovering from another similar injury... I just finished Outpatient PT only a couple weeks earlier to home exercise program and still recovering from previous injuries... so you can only try to imagine what my body was going through at that moment of impact that jolted my whole body again, new injuries on top of old ones, pain in places that were fine before... I think it was different for Phil since he never noticed the scene behind him, of course, he wouldn't cuz he's payin attention to the road and traffic signal ahead of him and the restaurant could have been too far away in his hind-sight, rear-view... anyway he spoke and understood no Chinese or Cantonese to be exact... so his experience of the same incident, because of his physical state at the time and his soul / spiritual history/background, was completely different from mine...)
We each handle, cope, manage our experiences, pain and change and growth in unique individual ways... because of who and where and what we are now or at the time of this transformation, and because of who, what, how, where etc we are in our recent and distant past, our current life on Earth, our soul and spirit's life throughout Eternity/Existence.
Hhhhhmmmm Jan 5 a new date for me... This is the First Day of My Life, this next phase of transformation and growth physical, mental and spiritual. I thank the Heavens, God, Light of the Universe, and all Life-Energy (The Force!) for my soul experience here on Earth and through-out Eternity/Existence for every form of growth available and allowed to me in my Experience as a Unique Individual to return and add to the Whole Existence.
Anyway, hope you like Dave From Blue Skies' music, appreciate his unique talents and existence. It's so amazingly beautiful. LIFE = LOVE = MUSIC (ART) = GOD = EXISTENCE....
Peace, Love and Light continue to shine on, in and throught us all - btw, shout out time: Happy belated Anniversary to one of my best friends: Neeta and Mahesh, her husband since 2004, who is celebrating their wedding anniversary and new Year since Nov 4. I think it's Keisha and Justin's anniversary also... Jan 4... (I know I'm a lil late...STML Amnesia!darn)
Enjoy the First Day of [your, my...] Life....
Today is the first day of my life: I took my first steps to overcoming my pain, all my past suffering, welcoming help and change - re-discovering and finding myself again...
And co-inky-dinky enough, Dave from Blue Skies just posted a cover of First Day of My Life (Bright Eyes), a beautiful acoustic version just 2 days ago when I was thinking of what I wanted to tell about my last few days in the pain treatment program. (It has been very emotionally painful 2 days for sure, any growth takes some growing pangs...)
Change and growth into a better person always takes energy, effort and can hurt; however, it is good pain, (ya know "NO pain No gain"), for example there is good healthy stress and the opposite would be anxiety. I found that pain that accompanies change and growth is often coupled with anxiety, a lot of stress; and it's how we manage (cope with) that stress that determines in which direction we can choose (Yay! Democracy!) to grow and change. Imagine a seed transforming into a plant, teeth and bones of a kid, and a caterpillar transforming its body inside a cocoon into a butterfly with wings! That would kinda hurt to suddenly grow wings, like Wolverine growing metal claws out of his hands! Imagine something breaking out of your skin from your bones... that image initially can seem extremely painful; however, it doesn't seem relatively so bad later when you're enjoying flying around or with super-hero power to save the day! It really is all relative.
It is still very painful to think of my life without my Mom right now. How painful it was for her to endure the 14 days in ICU and the 3 days before Thanksgiving, and all the 14-some-odd years she suffered from headaches, pain is subjective and relative, extremely personal, and unimaginable to another person who is watching someone else and who is yet to have experienced anything quite like it, (because we all each have our own unique individual experiences on this planet Earth, we each have a unique footprint, literally!, in life, although we all are part of the Whole Existence of Life, and we each have our own unique story, experiences that make us who we are, by our complex/complicated web of experiences...) because we can attempt to imagine when we have completely different backgrounds, personal soul histories, and life experiences to draw upon when the same incidents happen in our lives....
(For example, I was in a terrible rear-ender during college break with my former boyfriend Phil, who was driving his mom's car when it was "totaled" by a drunk driver, who paid too little attention to his surroundings as he was engrossed in his pain and suffer and loss after his wife just left him and took their child with her... he drove his car too fast into us trying to run through the intersection when we were stopped at a red traffic light only less than 25-50ft away from the Chinese restaurant to the right and behind us from the intersection.... He passed all his pain and suffering right into me, because I was paying attention to his lamentation and story as I sat so close by that I could hear his conversation with his employers, the restauranteurs who tried to calm him down and get him to stay instead of speeding away to go after and look for them cuz he wasn't about to let her get away and with his child... And for Phil, Phil just had a lil crick in his neck, a small bump in his road where he walked away to get his x-ray without as much a scratch, Phil who was 6ft-6'2" tall, lanky, strong, healthy potter/glass-blower... as opposed to me, who just finished 10+ months of physical therapy rehab from a major injury to my entire body being jolted about 1.2yr before then, and it was my second time recovering from another similar injury... I just finished Outpatient PT only a couple weeks earlier to home exercise program and still recovering from previous injuries... so you can only try to imagine what my body was going through at that moment of impact that jolted my whole body again, new injuries on top of old ones, pain in places that were fine before... I think it was different for Phil since he never noticed the scene behind him, of course, he wouldn't cuz he's payin attention to the road and traffic signal ahead of him and the restaurant could have been too far away in his hind-sight, rear-view... anyway he spoke and understood no Chinese or Cantonese to be exact... so his experience of the same incident, because of his physical state at the time and his soul / spiritual history/background, was completely different from mine...)
We each handle, cope, manage our experiences, pain and change and growth in unique individual ways... because of who and where and what we are now or at the time of this transformation, and because of who, what, how, where etc we are in our recent and distant past, our current life on Earth, our soul and spirit's life throughout Eternity/Existence.
Hhhhhmmmm Jan 5 a new date for me... This is the First Day of My Life, this next phase of transformation and growth physical, mental and spiritual. I thank the Heavens, God, Light of the Universe, and all Life-Energy (The Force!) for my soul experience here on Earth and through-out Eternity/Existence for every form of growth available and allowed to me in my Experience as a Unique Individual to return and add to the Whole Existence.
Anyway, hope you like Dave From Blue Skies' music, appreciate his unique talents and existence. It's so amazingly beautiful. LIFE = LOVE = MUSIC (ART) = GOD = EXISTENCE....
Peace, Love and Light continue to shine on, in and throught us all - btw, shout out time: Happy belated Anniversary to one of my best friends: Neeta and Mahesh, her husband since 2004, who is celebrating their wedding anniversary and new Year since Nov 4. I think it's Keisha and Justin's anniversary also... Jan 4... (I know I'm a lil late...STML Amnesia!darn)
Enjoy the First Day of [your, my...] Life....
Monday, January 03, 2011
Charlieissocoollike Youtooner - 31 December 2010, Day 10 (Today is technically Monday 3 January 2011)
31 December 2010, Day 10 in hospital looneytoonsunit [I know it's a bit late, but I did write this Friday, as a link to Post 1 (and ran out of time to figure out how to post it without the pop-up text editor telling me I had too many incorrect html tags...), and will catch up in a day or so].
Wow, there is sooooo much (I'm sure most people have felt this way about life and everything in it, and this' prob'ly just another mundane, banal comment...[and I very little like "mundane" - ...and so if I were mundane, then I guess I would little like myself or my own mundaness....]): so many thoughts, coming through so fast, especially this AM since last night, actually, (i 'heart' interjections!...), that I wanted to write them and did composed at least several(maybe 3-5) in my head; and, yet alas, my amnesia/STML leaves me, takes them away and they leave me....
Anyway, this was my first official on-line "blog" ever several days ago: dancingqueen: Blue Skies - Fame and Success (Day 5....)... which would make today Friday 31 December 2010 [Num. 10 = 1], Day 10 in the hospital.... [and from now on, I'll post the Numerology Value for each day with it's "Special Number" also....] (o btw every day in December 2010 has a special number value of zero (0) since December is 12 and 2010 also holds the same Num. values so any date's value between the same number results in zero (0), e.g. 12 - 10 - 2010 = (is equivalent to) 3 - 1 - 3 and the difference between 3 and 1 (3-1 or 1-3) is = 2 so therefore 2-2=0.
there is quite a bit happening so I will elaborate on these thoughts....[L8r]
Meanwhile, since last night, I've been discovering more about Dave from Blue Skies, and his song for Charlie's birthday, and who this Charlieissocoollike is....
[since Saturday, when I first wrote this Post 2, I have been doing a lot of "research" watching and reading vlogs from and about these "5amazingguys" and also links from "Youtoon" about them and their friends.... p.s. btw thanks 4 B-N amazingguys]
(Hopefully, since it's now technically Monday, I owe a post by Day 15, at least, since it seems I'm catching up in multiple days of 5s...., we'll see....)
3 January 2011 [1 - 3 - 4 = 8, 1 (sN)], for example....
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