Thursday, January 20, 2011
Carole King - Tapestry, Day 30 in Hospital
Wednesday, 18 January 2011 (5,3) - Day 30 in Hospital
My Life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue - Carole King
This song was one of my faves this past summer... a drifter passing by this past year has taught me a lot about myself, parts of me I learned I may want to avoid exploring with the wrong person, maybe only with a very special person - I wish to have my very own best friend....one who is always here for me in all times, good or bad, a true friend to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, someone who loves me the same way I love.... (oops! got deleted by the text editor with no return again...) ....
Well, hopefully the bearded man won't be coming to take me back for a long while, how 'bout like never... I want to be young forever and never die, live forever and just go to heaven...
It's been very busy here, following most of the program and orders... on "good" behavior and perhaps maybe get to go home soon to finish regular outpatient physical rehabilitation....
We shall see.... My lunch date never showed... worried either he went for a walkabout and never returned or just not that interested as he says/thinks (talked on phone with a date from the summer and hoping to catch up in person sooner or later or never to discuss what really happened or maybe nothing....)
not really holding my breath ....
.... yet .... and reminiscing of past good times, wondering if I shall ever see anyone again - I know it will be all up to me!!! Alas, my choice, my decision, my democracy, my freedom...
God, I love my freedom and choice even more than ever, even if it is sometimes a deterrent or rather a detriment if I make the wrong one!!! I hope to be making better, more informed, and positive choices from now on... (hmmm sounds funny if "from now" sounds a bit strange)...
Sorry, I haven't elaborated much on the drama or happenings on the 6th Floor here, I will edit and make some comments sometime sooner or later (here we go again....) ....
Week 2 of new meds: way too much too fast. However getting good report, even if the med make me very sleepy and cannot wake up in the morning or rather til noon-ish - Headaches are still a big issue (hormone imbalance won't be addressed here as "advertised" - they won't even let me see an eye dr for my recurring conjunctivitis!!) - I think they rather like to torture their pain patients... wait a minute, they even admit to this!!! "You'll hate me before you love me" - says Dr. T current attending...
O, finally met the program director at JHU pain program this AM. Interesting fellow. Asked me if I remember meeting him before... Nope, I don't think I do. No really I don't remember meeting you before today...
I must have quite ill when I arrived: or I just really do have STML short term memory loss (Amnesia) a specific type. Yep, it's true... (thank God the resident is doing her guinea pig interview / case report on another classmate and NOT me!!!! She wouldn't like to know any of my secrets - I told her the other day, even if I had any paraphernalia for her to confiscate I wouldn't tell her.... of course, my great and amazing nurse J. HE told her, reminded her and also me that the attending dr wants all physical therapy devices taken away from me - now that is even more evidence that the really truly do want to torture their pain patients, cause us more pain for NO REASON, very illogical!!!! to take away devices that help us (me rather) perform and function better with less pain so I can actually do physical therapy exercises as prescribed... ) ....
They truly are a sick bunch of quacker-wackers up here on the 6th Floor....
jk, maybe not really....
My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue.... it really is amazing that I am still here.... quothe an anonymous "friend" who texts me however without a name so I've no idea, no clue which "friend" on facebook or myspace or ??? it really is.... stranger than fiction!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
James - Sometimes + Laid (Live at The Academy, Dublin)
Dr. MLKJ Day Observed Monday 17 January 2011 (4, 3), US Federal Holiday
It has been nice long 3.5 da weekend, almost as good as a 4-day wkend... good ending to a difficult, bad-news week, & good beginning (hopefull) to a better solution_problem-solving week... so on a good note, or notes rather, I'm enjoying an old college-day favorite: James - Laid / Sometimes combo (LIVE 2!!!):
....WENT OUT ON DAY TRIP (TLOA) to the American Visionary Art Museum, which alwas inspires my creative sparks & conjures up interesting thoughts, ideas & musings from my artistic nature whence my soul was conceived... (see GA Kiwanis Art competition, 1983-1993).
...and found the restaurant lounge on the top floor first (the foodie in me...) before anything else: Mr Rain's Fun House!!! Yay!!! Wrapped up 2 relaxing hours playing marbles-gumball machine with 2lil kids... (the eternal kid in me...) after having a Kobe dog w/kimchi, of course...
I was almost in childhood bliss again... for a few hours... Whoopeeeeee(actually sat on 1 part of live art installation,bench covered in whoopee cushions for Laughter - (L-gene) exhibit feat. Comedy & flatulence jokes & comics... amid myriad funny exhibits in ecclectic display...
More in couple days... Day 28 tues, 4wks in pain treatment... & update hopefully by end of Day 30
Enjoy rummages from college days: James - Laid, 1 of best fave albums... (wishing 2B subject 2that subject) ....
It has been nice long 3.5 da weekend, almost as good as a 4-day wkend... good ending to a difficult, bad-news week, & good beginning (hopefull) to a better solution_problem-solving week... so on a good note, or notes rather, I'm enjoying an old college-day favorite: James - Laid / Sometimes combo (LIVE 2!!!):
....WENT OUT ON DAY TRIP (TLOA) to the American Visionary Art Museum, which alwas inspires my creative sparks & conjures up interesting thoughts, ideas & musings from my artistic nature whence my soul was conceived... (see GA Kiwanis Art competition, 1983-1993).
...and found the restaurant lounge on the top floor first (the foodie in me...) before anything else: Mr Rain's Fun House!!! Yay!!! Wrapped up 2 relaxing hours playing marbles-gumball machine with 2lil kids... (the eternal kid in me...) after having a Kobe dog w/kimchi, of course...
I was almost in childhood bliss again... for a few hours... Whoopeeeeee(actually sat on 1 part of live art installation,bench covered in whoopee cushions for Laughter - (L-gene) exhibit feat. Comedy & flatulence jokes & comics... amid myriad funny exhibits in ecclectic display...
More in couple days... Day 28 tues, 4wks in pain treatment... & update hopefully by end of Day 30
Enjoy rummages from college days: James - Laid, 1 of best fave albums... (wishing 2B subject 2that subject) ....
Sunday, January 16, 2011
14 January 2011 Day 25 - Bic Runga & Semisonic - Good Morning, Baby
Friday 14 January 2011 (1,3), Day 25 in Hospital Pain Treatment
Well, it's been quite busy here in the program, and progressing more rapidly than before. I hope to find more time to write and re-post lost journal from Day 20.... Thursday, during lunch, one of my pain classmates mentioned that it was Thursday the 13th... (wooooo-ooooo), ridiculous.... "it's worst than Friday the 13th....," they said they were jk....
I've been thinking about this ol' favorite of mine for a while this past few weeks and decided it was past due time to post: Bic Runga's debut with Semisonic in their song "Good Morning Baby" (I hope I'm gonna make it thru another day....), which was what I was thinking during the 2nd week here in the pain treatment program during the Holidays in Dec....
My Rx-induced osteopenia-osteoarthritis has been really bothering me this past wk&a-half now, yet they are adamant about keeping all my impingement (restrictive) devices from me while in-patient (restricting me from restrictive devices.... mainly my wrist splints for during sleep and physical therapy exercises, so I've really fallen behind in my shoulder impingement pain-reducing strengthening exercises with my thera-bands). I should be able to return to using my aides once I return to my regular out-patient physical rehab program @DC.
However, 'til then I'm on full restriction, no mobility devices in-patient on the floor, and only limited use with permission only when outside on "day" trips.... I wanted the Rollator to push my heavy groceries back on public transport when returning to hospital from grocery store.... (I will explain this story, since I wrote it on Day 20, yet that posting was "lost" in cyber-space, on why I am wasting valuable money on expensive organic vegan groceries, while the government medicare insurance is wasting over $50/meal costs charged by the JHU hospital, daily on in-edible foods ("trays" vs gut-wrenching blobs on the "buffet" table), which cost less than $5 bux down in the cafeteria yet I'm still being charged full $50+/per tray/meal anyway....) .... My classmate JS says in jest, "so are you still wasting your $50 meals on the Kosher menu trays... ha ha ha ha ha...." Y, Yes, of course! Y not, I'm hoping each time, "curious", if they will ever send anything up except the same eggplant-veggie wrap and/or the fried eggplant parmesan, both have that's right - dairy products in them, which I avoid eating at most costs... let's see... flour based products like the "wrap" has gluten, dairy, eggs, usually, and then there's the cheese inside the wrap, which all have caused me tremendous amount of ab pain during the first 2wk that I endured eating some of the veggies between the "Kosher" "trays" and the "buffet" of blob that they call food here... and also, of course fried anything parmesan has wheat or flour products, gluten and oils and also of course dairy and/or egg products... all of which I must avoid eating since they are the main culprits of my ab-stomach pains... and you'd think the pain treatment program is to help reduce amount of pain and suffering one endures and yet here we are all suffering much more pain than we did before we came into the program, because they ween us off the pain-meds and then add other substances to our daily intake which definitely increases more pain, cuz it always gets worse before it gets better.... ye-ah, right... we get it.... pain treatment program....
Anywho, it's been a "rough" (huge understatement there) 10days thus far since 5 January til now... my roommate (they moved me after Day 15, from one end of the hall (the better end, and warmer too, esp in that private room I first had during 1st 2wk) all the way down to the other end toward the front of the hospital in the smaller room....) for the past wk&a-half, who loves "cold" air (bbbbbbrrrrr shudder, shudder, shiver shiver....) as opposed to my love of Caribbean-temperatures above 75deg F., has truly gotten worse before she will get better due to the "weening" down of her old pain meds, i.e. lower titrations of addictive type of pain meds vs. increased titrations of non-addictive (or so they say...) alternative meds for "chronic" pain/medical conditions...
Frankly, I was okay the first few days of my titration of SNRIs to "reduce" chronic-pain symptoms, until they suddenly upped the dosages in 2-day increments instead of 4-5day increments, and for the past 4-5days of sudden increase, I still suffer from insomnia and all my multiple sleep disorders at night, and despite being able to get more than 4-5hr of sleep some nights (now that's a lot more than I used to get @hm before being in the program, so about 2-3hr avg per night & usu less than 4-5hr at the most on a regular basis then), yep despite getting more sleep than I used to without the new meds... and now on the increased meds, my sleepiness in the AM also has increased so that it's been soooooo hard for me to wake up... that as of Saturday morning, even after crashing in bed early and sleeping right away, after having 4x's more meds than the first day they started me on them... less than a week ago... I was unable to "wake" up, no matter how hard I tried, (well, I really didn't "try", it was more like noise e.g. loud talking by my roommate, her nurse and husband, and/or combination of both or all three, every 30min or so, that kept arousing me from my deep dream-REM-sleep this AM between 8:30 - til about 11:30 EST (-5GMT)... anyway the dream continued every time I was aroused and couldn't "wake" up and immediately fell back asleep within "short" time (relatively)... and what a dream it was:
The most stressful part of the 4 hours were: 1) the nurse woke me very early (before 8) to take vitals (always sux cuz most of them want me to actually STAND UP for 2nd BP... and everyone knows a person w/ severe joint and neuromuscular pain, arthritic pain, and rheumatic pain doesn't "get up" right away, takes up to 2+ or more hr most times....blood-work is worse cuz they may jab u w/ needles as early as 5); 2) roommate talking loudly on ph w/ hubby or nurse, making me think she was talking to me... ; 3) noise every 30min; 4) actually wanting to and trying to "wake" up yet cannot actually keep eyelids open....; 5) knowing I am not awake nor asleep during those minutes in between partial arousal and before falling asleep... (UGH!!); 6) cold air!!!! (draft from 30deg F. air outside keeps drafting in the thin transparent windows... esp since maintenance guy suddenly came by 2 Thursdays ago to "remove" dangerous screws from the window area and then all the old blinds along with them... that's another story I wrote on Day 20 that disappeared n2 cyberspace...) which I sooooooooooo much despise any air below Caribbean temperatures....; 7) the dream was soooooo goooooood and seemed sooooooooo REAL that I really really really wished it was really really really happening instead of what was really going on in the room: me sleeping and trying my darndest to "wake" up so I could actually get the the fresh market before it closed at noon....
So, what was this wonderfully painful dream that seemed to continue on every time I fell back asleep....????? I was dreaming that I actually woke up early after the week-end dr left sometime around 8:23AM, and made necessary phone calls to my former "mother-in-law" for our plans to meet and go out (yay "day" outting from the hospital walls...), and what was most frustrating was that, although in the dream I was making the phone calls, I kept having difficulty getting through to speak to her about the program moving us from our current building location to another location much further away on a cruise ship shuttle bus/boat device which I thought would go directly from land into the water, then I had to keep reminding myself that it is only a shuttle to get us to the other building/hotel location where we'd be transferring us and all our luggage to a cruise ship that would take us to "Romans Islands" after a 3-4day cruise...
Wow, now that would be a great addition to our pain treatment program, in reality... I was trying to explain to Mum on my mobile and asking the driver/operator of the boat shuttle bus where we are and what address we are going to be dropped off to transfer onto the cruise ship, because part of the pain treatment program is to integrate us back into real life activities and one of the requirements was for us to go on this cruise to the islands, and see how well we perform on this activity to gauge whether we were ready to go back in the "real" world, living our "normal" lives with our chronic medical conditions, if we would be able to "manage" our pain such as standing on a small moving boat and getting around on the seas without our "sea"-legs, just yet.... That was a strange and curious, interesting dream and how nice it would be if it were REAL....
Good-morning, Baby, I hope I'm gonna make it through another day....
Well, it's been quite busy here in the program, and progressing more rapidly than before. I hope to find more time to write and re-post lost journal from Day 20.... Thursday, during lunch, one of my pain classmates mentioned that it was Thursday the 13th... (wooooo-ooooo), ridiculous.... "it's worst than Friday the 13th....," they said they were jk....
I've been thinking about this ol' favorite of mine for a while this past few weeks and decided it was past due time to post: Bic Runga's debut with Semisonic in their song "Good Morning Baby" (I hope I'm gonna make it thru another day....), which was what I was thinking during the 2nd week here in the pain treatment program during the Holidays in Dec....
My Rx-induced osteopenia-osteoarthritis has been really bothering me this past wk&a-half now, yet they are adamant about keeping all my impingement (restrictive) devices from me while in-patient (restricting me from restrictive devices.... mainly my wrist splints for during sleep and physical therapy exercises, so I've really fallen behind in my shoulder impingement pain-reducing strengthening exercises with my thera-bands). I should be able to return to using my aides once I return to my regular out-patient physical rehab program @DC.
However, 'til then I'm on full restriction, no mobility devices in-patient on the floor, and only limited use with permission only when outside on "day" trips.... I wanted the Rollator to push my heavy groceries back on public transport when returning to hospital from grocery store.... (I will explain this story, since I wrote it on Day 20, yet that posting was "lost" in cyber-space, on why I am wasting valuable money on expensive organic vegan groceries, while the government medicare insurance is wasting over $50/meal costs charged by the JHU hospital, daily on in-edible foods ("trays" vs gut-wrenching blobs on the "buffet" table), which cost less than $5 bux down in the cafeteria yet I'm still being charged full $50+/per tray/meal anyway....) .... My classmate JS says in jest, "so are you still wasting your $50 meals on the Kosher menu trays... ha ha ha ha ha...." Y, Yes, of course! Y not, I'm hoping each time, "curious", if they will ever send anything up except the same eggplant-veggie wrap and/or the fried eggplant parmesan, both have that's right - dairy products in them, which I avoid eating at most costs... let's see... flour based products like the "wrap" has gluten, dairy, eggs, usually, and then there's the cheese inside the wrap, which all have caused me tremendous amount of ab pain during the first 2wk that I endured eating some of the veggies between the "Kosher" "trays" and the "buffet" of blob that they call food here... and also, of course fried anything parmesan has wheat or flour products, gluten and oils and also of course dairy and/or egg products... all of which I must avoid eating since they are the main culprits of my ab-stomach pains... and you'd think the pain treatment program is to help reduce amount of pain and suffering one endures and yet here we are all suffering much more pain than we did before we came into the program, because they ween us off the pain-meds and then add other substances to our daily intake which definitely increases more pain, cuz it always gets worse before it gets better.... ye-ah, right... we get it.... pain treatment program....
Anywho, it's been a "rough" (huge understatement there) 10days thus far since 5 January til now... my roommate (they moved me after Day 15, from one end of the hall (the better end, and warmer too, esp in that private room I first had during 1st 2wk) all the way down to the other end toward the front of the hospital in the smaller room....) for the past wk&a-half, who loves "cold" air (bbbbbbrrrrr shudder, shudder, shiver shiver....) as opposed to my love of Caribbean-temperatures above 75deg F., has truly gotten worse before she will get better due to the "weening" down of her old pain meds, i.e. lower titrations of addictive type of pain meds vs. increased titrations of non-addictive (or so they say...) alternative meds for "chronic" pain/medical conditions...
Frankly, I was okay the first few days of my titration of SNRIs to "reduce" chronic-pain symptoms, until they suddenly upped the dosages in 2-day increments instead of 4-5day increments, and for the past 4-5days of sudden increase, I still suffer from insomnia and all my multiple sleep disorders at night, and despite being able to get more than 4-5hr of sleep some nights (now that's a lot more than I used to get @hm before being in the program, so about 2-3hr avg per night & usu less than 4-5hr at the most on a regular basis then), yep despite getting more sleep than I used to without the new meds... and now on the increased meds, my sleepiness in the AM also has increased so that it's been soooooo hard for me to wake up... that as of Saturday morning, even after crashing in bed early and sleeping right away, after having 4x's more meds than the first day they started me on them... less than a week ago... I was unable to "wake" up, no matter how hard I tried, (well, I really didn't "try", it was more like noise e.g. loud talking by my roommate, her nurse and husband, and/or combination of both or all three, every 30min or so, that kept arousing me from my deep dream-REM-sleep this AM between 8:30 - til about 11:30 EST (-5GMT)... anyway the dream continued every time I was aroused and couldn't "wake" up and immediately fell back asleep within "short" time (relatively)... and what a dream it was:
The most stressful part of the 4 hours were: 1) the nurse woke me very early (before 8) to take vitals (always sux cuz most of them want me to actually STAND UP for 2nd BP... and everyone knows a person w/ severe joint and neuromuscular pain, arthritic pain, and rheumatic pain doesn't "get up" right away, takes up to 2+ or more hr most times....blood-work is worse cuz they may jab u w/ needles as early as 5); 2) roommate talking loudly on ph w/ hubby or nurse, making me think she was talking to me... ; 3) noise every 30min; 4) actually wanting to and trying to "wake" up yet cannot actually keep eyelids open....; 5) knowing I am not awake nor asleep during those minutes in between partial arousal and before falling asleep... (UGH!!); 6) cold air!!!! (draft from 30deg F. air outside keeps drafting in the thin transparent windows... esp since maintenance guy suddenly came by 2 Thursdays ago to "remove" dangerous screws from the window area and then all the old blinds along with them... that's another story I wrote on Day 20 that disappeared n2 cyberspace...) which I sooooooooooo much despise any air below Caribbean temperatures....; 7) the dream was soooooo goooooood and seemed sooooooooo REAL that I really really really wished it was really really really happening instead of what was really going on in the room: me sleeping and trying my darndest to "wake" up so I could actually get the the fresh market before it closed at noon....
So, what was this wonderfully painful dream that seemed to continue on every time I fell back asleep....????? I was dreaming that I actually woke up early after the week-end dr left sometime around 8:23AM, and made necessary phone calls to my former "mother-in-law" for our plans to meet and go out (yay "day" outting from the hospital walls...), and what was most frustrating was that, although in the dream I was making the phone calls, I kept having difficulty getting through to speak to her about the program moving us from our current building location to another location much further away on a cruise ship shuttle bus/boat device which I thought would go directly from land into the water, then I had to keep reminding myself that it is only a shuttle to get us to the other building/hotel location where we'd be transferring us and all our luggage to a cruise ship that would take us to "Romans Islands" after a 3-4day cruise...
Wow, now that would be a great addition to our pain treatment program, in reality... I was trying to explain to Mum on my mobile and asking the driver/operator of the boat shuttle bus where we are and what address we are going to be dropped off to transfer onto the cruise ship, because part of the pain treatment program is to integrate us back into real life activities and one of the requirements was for us to go on this cruise to the islands, and see how well we perform on this activity to gauge whether we were ready to go back in the "real" world, living our "normal" lives with our chronic medical conditions, if we would be able to "manage" our pain such as standing on a small moving boat and getting around on the seas without our "sea"-legs, just yet.... That was a strange and curious, interesting dream and how nice it would be if it were REAL....
Good-morning, Baby, I hope I'm gonna make it through another day....
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