Carole King - Tapestry, Day 30 in Hospital

Wednesday, 18 January 2011 (5,3) - Day 30 in Hospital My Life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue - Carole King This song was one of my faves this past summer... a drifter passing by this past year has taught me a lot about myself, parts of me I learned I may want to avoid exploring with the wrong person, maybe only with a very special person - I wish to have my very own best friend....one who is always here for me in all times, good or bad, a true friend to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, someone who loves me the same way I love.... (oops! got deleted by the text editor with no return again...) .... Well, hopefully the bearded man won't be coming to take me back for a long while, how 'bout like never... I want to be young forever and never die, live forever and just go to heaven... It's been very busy here, following most of the program and orders... on "good" behavior and perhaps maybe get to go home soon to finish regular outpatient physical rehabilitation.... We shall see.... My lunch date never showed... worried either he went for a walkabout and never returned or just not that interested as he says/thinks (talked on phone with a date from the summer and hoping to catch up in person sooner or later or never to discuss what really happened or maybe nothing....) not really holding my breath .... .... yet .... and reminiscing of past good times, wondering if I shall ever see anyone again - I know it will be all up to me!!! Alas, my choice, my decision, my democracy, my freedom... God, I love my freedom and choice even more than ever, even if it is sometimes a deterrent or rather a detriment if I make the wrong one!!! I hope to be making better, more informed, and positive choices from now on... (hmmm sounds funny if "from now" sounds a bit strange)... Sorry, I haven't elaborated much on the drama or happenings on the 6th Floor here, I will edit and make some comments sometime sooner or later (here we go again....) .... Week 2 of new meds: way too much too fast. However getting good report, even if the med make me very sleepy and cannot wake up in the morning or rather til noon-ish - Headaches are still a big issue (hormone imbalance won't be addressed here as "advertised" - they won't even let me see an eye dr for my recurring conjunctivitis!!) - I think they rather like to torture their pain patients... wait a minute, they even admit to this!!! "You'll hate me before you love me" - says Dr. T current attending... O, finally met the program director at JHU pain program this AM. Interesting fellow. Asked me if I remember meeting him before... Nope, I don't think I do. No really I don't remember meeting you before today... I must have quite ill when I arrived: or I just really do have STML short term memory loss (Amnesia) a specific type. Yep, it's true... (thank God the resident is doing her guinea pig interview / case report on another classmate and NOT me!!!! She wouldn't like to know any of my secrets - I told her the other day, even if I had any paraphernalia for her to confiscate I wouldn't tell her.... of course, my great and amazing nurse J. HE told her, reminded her and also me that the attending dr wants all physical therapy devices taken away from me - now that is even more evidence that the really truly do want to torture their pain patients, cause us more pain for NO REASON, very illogical!!!! to take away devices that help us (me rather) perform and function better with less pain so I can actually do physical therapy exercises as prescribed... ) .... They truly are a sick bunch of quacker-wackers up here on the 6th Floor.... jk, maybe not really.... My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue.... it really is amazing that I am still here.... quothe an anonymous "friend" who texts me however without a name so I've no idea, no clue which "friend" on facebook or myspace or ??? it really is.... stranger than fiction!