First day of my life - Day 15 in hospital pain treatment program

WEDNESDAY, 5 JANUARY 2011 (6;3), DAY 15 in hospital pain treatment program...(start new medical treatment(s) today... now maybe get night appropriate rx ordered by AM...)

Today is the first day of my life: I took my first steps to overcoming my pain, all my past suffering, welcoming help and change - re-discovering and finding myself again...

And co-inky-dinky enough, Dave from Blue Skies just posted a cover of First Day of My Life (Bright Eyes), a beautiful acoustic version just 2 days ago when I was thinking of what I wanted to tell about my last few days in the pain treatment program. (It has been very emotionally painful 2 days for sure, any growth takes some growing pangs...)



Change and growth into a better person always takes energy, effort and can hurt; however, it is good pain, (ya know "NO pain No gain"), for example there is good healthy stress and the opposite would be anxiety. I found that pain that accompanies change and growth is often coupled with anxiety, a lot of stress; and it's how we manage (cope with) that stress that determines in which direction we can choose (Yay! Democracy!) to grow and change. Imagine a seed transforming into a plant, teeth and bones of a kid, and a caterpillar transforming its body inside a cocoon into a butterfly with wings! That would kinda hurt to suddenly grow wings, like Wolverine growing metal claws out of his hands! Imagine something breaking out of your skin from your bones... that image initially can seem extremely painful; however, it doesn't seem relatively so bad later when you're enjoying flying around or with super-hero power to save the day! It really is all relative.

It is still very painful to think of my life without my Mom right now. How painful it was for her to endure the 14 days in ICU and the 3 days before Thanksgiving, and all the 14-some-odd years she suffered from headaches, pain is subjective and relative, extremely personal, and unimaginable to another person who is watching someone else and who is yet to have experienced anything quite like it, (because we all each have our own unique individual experiences on this planet Earth, we each have a unique footprint, literally!, in life, although we all are part of the Whole Existence of Life, and we each have our own unique story, experiences that make us who we are, by our complex/complicated web of experiences...) because we can attempt to imagine when we have completely different backgrounds, personal soul histories, and life experiences to draw upon when the same incidents happen in our lives....

(For example, I was in a terrible rear-ender during college break with my former boyfriend Phil, who was driving his mom's car when it was "totaled" by a drunk driver, who paid too little attention to his surroundings as he was engrossed in his pain and suffer and loss after his wife just left him and took their child with her... he drove his car too fast into us trying to run through the intersection when we were stopped at a red traffic light only less than 25-50ft away from the Chinese restaurant to the right and behind us from the intersection.... He passed all his pain and suffering right into me, because I was paying attention to his lamentation and story as I sat so close by that I could hear his conversation with his employers, the restauranteurs who tried to calm him down and get him to stay instead of speeding away to go after and look for them cuz he wasn't about to let her get away and with his child... And for Phil, Phil just had a lil crick in his neck, a small bump in his road where he walked away to get his x-ray without as much a scratch, Phil who was 6ft-6'2" tall, lanky, strong, healthy potter/glass-blower... as opposed to me, who just finished 10+ months of physical therapy rehab from a major injury to my entire body being jolted about 1.2yr before then, and it was my second time recovering from another similar injury... I just finished Outpatient PT only a couple weeks earlier to home exercise program and still recovering from previous injuries... so you can only try to imagine what my body was going through at that moment of impact that jolted my whole body again, new injuries on top of old ones, pain in places that were fine before... I think it was different for Phil since he never noticed the scene behind him, of course, he wouldn't cuz he's payin attention to the road and traffic signal ahead of him and the restaurant could have been too far away in his hind-sight, rear-view... anyway he spoke and understood no Chinese or Cantonese to be exact... so his experience of the same incident, because of his physical state at the time and his soul / spiritual history/background, was completely different from mine...)

We each handle, cope, manage our experiences, pain and change and growth in unique individual ways... because of who and where and what we are now or at the time of this transformation, and because of who, what, how, where etc we are in our recent and distant past, our current life on Earth, our soul and spirit's life throughout Eternity/Existence.

Hhhhhmmmm Jan 5 a new date for me... This is the First Day of My Life, this next phase of transformation and growth physical, mental and spiritual. I thank the Heavens, God, Light of the Universe, and all Life-Energy (The Force!) for my soul experience here on Earth and through-out Eternity/Existence for every form of growth available and allowed to me in my Experience as a Unique Individual to return and add to the Whole Existence.

Anyway, hope you like Dave From Blue Skies' music, appreciate his unique talents and existence. It's so amazingly beautiful. LIFE = LOVE = MUSIC (ART) = GOD = EXISTENCE....

Peace, Love and Light continue to shine on, in and throught us all - btw, shout out time: Happy belated Anniversary to one of my best friends: Neeta and Mahesh, her husband since 2004, who is celebrating their wedding anniversary and new Year since Nov 4. I think it's Keisha and Justin's anniversary also... Jan 4... (I know I'm a lil late...STML Amnesia!darn)

Enjoy the First Day of [your, my...] Life....